Friday, August 6, 2010

A kick ass band name!

Happy Friday my readers! I find myself constantly thinking of stories past that I can't wait to share with you - on a boat in Cancun, Mexico...pushing cotton in the bathroom...crazy drinking conversations...the first night of Write That Down (known as WTD, remember that).

On my way into work this morning I was trying to decide what to write about. Had to stop at what I refer to as the "Big Bird" to get some coffee for the homestead. Trashy Drunk Martha says:

"To get gourmet coffee at home buy 1 regular can of coffee and 1 expensive 12 oz bag of flavored ground coffee. Place 1/2 of the regular coffee in your existing container and keep the other 1/2 in the new container. Add 6 oz of the expensive stuff to each container and shake it up. Boom! 2 almost full containers of coffee for like $11." Sweet.

I got to work at 7:29 with 1 minute to spare. Still couldn't think of anything to write about. "Today better be freaking crazy that I have something to write about, WTF! Think!" Coffee break and boom, free coffee and soda today! Brilliant!

Sometimes you are just in the right place at the right time. Walking into fantastic conversations is a true blessing. My morning break buddies and partners in crime, Sean and Jeremy (who must have got a good nights sleep because he was awake! Amazing!) point to a sales flyer on the table. IT'S A SALES AD FOR THE "SCARY STORE!" Seriously one day I will discuss the "SCARY STORE" but at this pont it's not necessary. I say "Ooh haven't been there lately." Sean says:

"We were checking out the ad and decided that something on that page would be a kick ass band name." O.M.G. here we go...

So the boys make me go through the ad and try to find the "kick ass band name." I shout out:

"Sure Fine White Bread!"...nope. This reminds me to tell Jeremy that Vanilla Ice is coming to Altar Bar on the 12th. He could give a shit.

"Umm Canadian Ham?"....nope. Would be a great name for a band from America's hat...Canada! What if Celine Dion called herself Canadian Ham? She sucks regardless. Whiner.

"Peach Pie Ala Mode?"...denied. What the fuck is it!?!?

Sean finally says "The Meat Wieners." OK seriously that is freaking hysterical. A band called the Meat Wieners. Can you imagine? But wait! I spot something in the Produce Section of the flyer.
"OH NO. I am so starting an all-girls band called Juicy Jumbo Cantaloupes." Fuck The Go-Go's, The Bangles, The freaking Donna's. What the hell kind of names are those? Dammit, Juicy Jumbo Cantaloupes, I love it.

I carry the conversation over to lunch while having conversations with my lunch buddies Martin and Dave. Martin says "If you saw a sign outside of a bar that said "Full Frontal" would you go in?" I say absolutely. He tells me that's the name of his friends band. I ask if he needs an opening act that I'm "getting the band back together." OK I never had a band but sometimes a good movie quote like that from the Blues Brothers just has to be used. By the end of lunch we also added Spank Bank onto our list of kick ass band names (taken from yesterday's blog). Awesome.

Ooh Ooh Ooh! Funny thing today at the Pittsburgh Mills. I see these adorable shoes for my son outside of the Finish Line. I debate for 2.2 seconds and decide that he needs them. I go up to the counter and in front of me I see this MAN:

Oh dear Jesus, are you kidding me? A damn MAN PURSE! Today is my lucky day! I go to the clerk beside him and ask if he has these shoes for my son in a 4. He says that he doesn't think so and starts looking in the computer. I do a "Psst!" to him and whisper (he's probably like 17) "Dude have you ever seen The Hangover?" He replies "Oh yah, I'm already on it." I say "Me too, what do you think I have been standing here texting all this time. He says "I knew it!" That, my friends, is fantastic.

I thought I was done with my blog just now and ran a spell check on it, even though my spelling kicks it old school. I typed the word Cantaloupes as the ad stated which as you can see says "Cantalopes." To pay homage to the idea for my all-girls band name I will keep the spelling as the speds did on this ad. They, obviously, do NOT use the spell check and need to.

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