Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"Abby's" first wax.

Hey readers! Sorry for yesterday's lame ass post. I had a boring ass day and nothing was coming to me. Then I thought that I don't need to wait for new shit to happen, I have 14 years of legal drinking and 5 of illegally drinking stories that I can share will all of you.

I called my friend and asked her if I could write about her first waxing experience and she said as long as I changed her name to Abby she was cool with it.


Abby decided one night that she was going to try waxing. She went to the store and bought wax. Abby took off her clothes, read the directions and covered her pubes with wax. The sad thing is, the directions didn't say to weed wack / trim the bush first. Nor did Abby tell anyone she was doing this. Hey, us bitches tell each other lots of stuff but vaj talk isn't always a topic of conversation.

So anyways Abby realizes that she has nothing but huge waxy hairballs hanging off of her pubic hair and that none of the wax actually went on her skin. Jeez now that I think about it that must have been some tumbleweed down there...

Abby calls (who else) but her mom frantically asking her what to do. Too bad mom had Abby on speaker phone and was hosting card night that consists of many of our retired school teachers from FCHS...awesome.

Finally she figures out that she will just take scissors and cut the waxy hairballs off. Then she can be trimmed and start all over the right way.....


The fucking scissors get stuck in the wax. My friends, I am serious. Let me repeat - THE SCISSORS GOT STUCK IN THE WAX! What the shit! Now many people have more than one pair of scissors - scrapbookers, seamstresses, umm barbers, office kleptos, but not Abby - she had 1 lone pair of scissors.

What's a girl to do at this point? Waxy, hairy balls hanging from her pubes, scissors stuck and hanging from her crotch. Abby puts on a pair of sweatpants and drives herself to Giant Eagle to buy baby oil and scissors.

People, I can't make this good of a story up.

A week later we went out drinking. Abby was in the backseat of my Pontiac Aztec, at the time, and decided to moon my sister and brother in law when they drove by. After she shot the moon she said "I bet Jill and Brandon are thinking "Who's the 10 year old girl in the back of your car?"

LMFAO! Like I said, one of the best stories ever. It never gets old. Never!


  1. Ummm, I think you may have let the "real" Abby slip....hahahahahaha!!

  2. I do believe that something important might have been revealed...

  3. FUCK and I read it like 12 times to make sure I didn't! Fixed. Thanks guys!

  4. I'm just relieved that you were talking about another person. At first, I feared that "Abby" was your nickname for your own lady bits.